Saturday, March 21, 2015

Give Iran Nuclear Weapons by Caleb Wright

Allow me to enlighten you to the fascinating world of Homeschool Debaters, with an anecdote of what we contrive in our free time. The following is a plan a debater and I developed in between rounds; the original inspiration was a case devoted to stopping Iran from having nuclear weapons. The purpose of this alternate plan was to somehow justify giving nukes to Iran.

Affirmative Philosophy: The only way to achieve stability in the Middle East is having a balance of powers, that is, several regional powers, each with varying interests and motivations, and each able to keep the others in check.

Mandate 0. Before the rest of the plan is carried out, get the European Union and the United Nations to put sanctions on Saudi Arabia for humanitarian purposes, which won’t be a very difficult task because nobody likes Saudi Arabia except Saudi Arabia.

Mandate 1. Give nuclear weapons to Iran, remove our current sanctions on them, and allow them to sell their oil in Petrodollars (a practice that lets them sell oil in United States dollars on the global market). Make those three things conditional on them respecting human rights more.

Mandate 2. Give nuclear weapons to Jordan. Jordan is the most moderate country in the Middle East, and will balance everyone.

Mandate 3. Give nuclear weapons to Iraq. Make it conditional on them forming a more stable government. Doing so will balance the Shiite government of Iran (Iraq and Jordan are both Sunni).

Mandate 4. Give nuclear weapons to Israel, and invest in desalination programs to help their impending water crisis. Doing so will make them a little more happy with the United States after empowering all of their enemies.

At this point, four major players in the Middle East have nuclear weapons, and are able to balance each other quite well, since there’s a moderate Islamic country (Jordan), a Jewish country (Israel), a Sunni country that still has a sizable Shiite minority (Iraq), and a Shiite country (Iran). However, Saudi Arabia is incredibly angry, especially after:

Mandate 5. Put sanctions on Saudi Arabia, and remove their Petrodollar deal.

Now, Saudi Arabia is going to try to continue selling their oil. The EU will already not buy it thanks to Mandate 0, but Russia might.

Mandate 6. Have a deal with Russia, essentially giving them Crimea, in exchange for them placing sanctions on Saudi Arabia. The EU won’t be happy about it, but they don’t matter.

The Saudi’s might also sell oil to China.

Mandate 7. Invest heavily in the fracking industry in China to help solve their energy/pollution problems, in exchange for them sanctioning Saudi Arabia. All of this will also be funded through Chinese debt, so they’re happy with us anymore. This investment will also help the fracking industry domestically, since the price of oil will fall after this plan and fracking will go down.

Helping China will make India angry, so:

Mandate 8. Have a free trade deal with India to pacify them.

Helping India will make Pakistan angry, so:

Mandate 9. Have a free trade deal with Pakistan to pacify them.

Now, Saudi Arabia is controlled economically, and all the people they might acquire a nuclear weapon from won’t sell it to them because we’ve entered in agreements with them (Russia, China, Pakistan, and India), because it would damage their interests (Israel, Jordan, Iraq, and Iran), or just because they’re not idiots (France and the United Kingdom).

We can pressure Saudi Arabia into human rights reforms in exchange for removing the sanctions, but still not give them or allow them to acquire nuclear weapons, because we want them to be at a disadvantage.

All the players in the Middle East are balanced such that we don’t have to constantly interfere, there’s a drastic incentive to fight ISIS (so that they don’t acquire weapons of mass destructions), and the only people angry are the entire European Union (who nobody likes) and Saudi Arabia (who nobody likes). World peace achieved.

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