Saturday, March 30, 2013

Procrastination By Emily Cote

           This evening my family and I got together to have dinner, chat and dye Easter eggs at my Grandparents house. With all the crazy preparation for Easter and having the day off yesterday, I got lazy and forgot about everything I had to do. Including this blog post. So this is my blog post talking about procrastination and a little thing call Senioritis. Now, if you're not a Senior yet, you may laugh and say, "Oh sure, whatever! You're just lazy!" No. It's a real thing. It's like a disease. If you are a Senior or have been a Senior, you understand.
            I was trying to think of something to write and my grandparents and other family members were trying to help me think of something to write about. But when I said, "I don't really FEEL like writing about anything." They told me that was my problem. They're probably right. Then a turkey buzzard flew by and my Grandmother said, "Someone must be dead." My grandfather decided to "shoot" it with his finger. It didn't die. They suggested things like, a movie review, write about myself ("After all, that's what blog are anyway."), one of my sisters said that I should write a biography about her (that's not happening), or even writing a story about a distant relative that came over on the Mayflower and almost died because he fell overboard (by the way, that's a true story. It's actually pretty interesting..maybe I'll write about it another time). None of these things were sparking my interest. And so here I am, procrastination some more, telling you about how I couldn't find anything to write about. Then my baby cousin came over and drooled on me.
           This is probably boring you to death. Procrastination is a real issue for some people, including myself. It's hard to shake and easy to find a million other things to do besides what you actually should be doing. I've struggled with it for a while and part of it has to do with that fact that I have trouble sitting still for long periods of time, and unfortunately all the things I procrastinate about are the things that involve sitting. Don't get me wrong, I love writing, I really do, but when you're so close to graduation, you just want to be done and you're not as motivated and inspired as you were the year before. So here's the Wikipedia definition of Procrastination.


"In psychology, procrastination refers to the act of replacing high-priority actions with tasks of lower priority, or doing something from which one derives enjoyment, and thus putting off important tasks to a later time. In accordance with Freud, the pleasure principle may be responsible for procrastination; humans do not prefer negative emotions, and handing off a stressful task until a further date is enjoyable. The concept that humans work best under pressure provides additional enjoyment and motivation to postponing a task. Some psychologists cite such behavior as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision. Other psychologists indicate that anxiety is just as likely to get people to start working early as late and the focus should be impulsiveness. That is, anxiety will cause people to delay only if they are impulsive.


         
          So there it is folks. If you struggle with procrastination, that's what you have. And I just wasted more 
time telling you what the word means and not writing anything. But you can overcome it, you can rise above it and learn something from all of the years of procrastination, you can decide to make a change, right now, TODAY. We can do it together! Or...we could just do it tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow sounds like a better day to stop procrastinating.


Have a happy and blessed Easter, ya'll!!!!!
                                                  ~Gertrude

Have You Met Ted?: The Perils of Being a Main Character


Ode to the protagonist. Such a heavy burden is placed upon you. You must be so many different things at once: an everyman, relatable to all; a plot engine, keeping the story moving; an eyepiece, through which your fictional world can be seen; flawed, so that you may seem believable; not too flawed though, lest you lose your likability. You are often considered a tiny desert in the midst of a giant oasis. But you have feelings too, don't you? Not that we care, being easy at is to brush past you to your much more colorful friends and neighbors. I feel for you, protagonist, I really do. Yours is a high and lonely burden to bear. I only wish you wouldn't talk about it so much.

It’s a common criticism of works of fiction (be they books, movies, plays, or television shows) that for all a particular drama’s positive attributes, the central figure of the narrative falls flat. In recent days, this critique has been placed quite heavily on the CBS tv show How I Met Your Mother. The series is so good at so many things, and few people will argue that its quartet of supporting characters are anything but stellar achievements in the field of sitcom writing. But at times, the story’s main character Ted  Mosby (played by Josh Radnor) falls short of the others, often getting the short end of the stick on the show he’s supposed to anchor.
This is not a new concept, and in no way is it unique to HIMYM. It happens all the time in movies. Nicholas Cage in National Treasure has no personality beyond being super invest in finding that titular treasure. He is far out-shined by the supporting cast of Diane Kruger, Justin Bartha, Sean Bean and Jon Voight. Inception is full of rich characters, but Leonardo DiCaprio takes up so much screen time that the viewer finds her or himself waiting for Ellen Page, Joseph Gordon-Levitt or even Marion Cotillard as DiCaprio’s (spoiler!) dead wife to show up again.
J.K. Rowling has made multiple billions of dollars crafting the world of her Harry Potter series of young adult novels. But if you asked fans their favorite character, few answers would match the title of the epic saga. Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, Minerva McGonagall, Nymphadora Tonks, Sybil Trelawney. All names one is bound to hear when inquiring on the subject. But few people will call out Harry himself as an achievement in character-building (even though really, he is), because he’s the central figure, and central figures need to be highly relatable to a large audience. And in that regard, Harry certainly does his job. But making a character widely identifiable necessitates a lack of quirks or lovable traits that make their secondary counterparts all the more appealing.
Ted Mosby opens How I Met Your Mother, sitting his kids down in the year 2030 to tell them then 9-year-long story of how he and their mother well, met. So we see everything through Ted’s eyes, and we meet his friends. Looking at the show’s first season (and reading interviews with its creators, Craig Thomas and Carter Bays), it becomes clear that the central relationship of the story was originally intended to be that of Ted and his best friend Marshall (Jason Segel). If you turned on the show now though, it’s a very different story, as Ted’s four best friends became two couples, and their romantic entanglements revealed themselves to be much more interesting than whatever girl Ted was dating that we knew, from the series’ central conceit, wasn’t going to be around long. Ted has quirks that set him apart, and technically it will always be “his” show, but no one’s tuning in these days to see him find love.
Main characters are a tricky business. In everything from The Mary Tyler Moore Show to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, from The Great Gatsby to the Twilight series, the protagonists anchor the story, but in a sense, they’re nothing more than a necessary evil. A person that must be there, if only so that we can see the other more interesting characters through their eyes. I’m sure we’ll all be happy when Ted meets his future wife, but the level attention we’ll give to the event is nothing to the childrearing woes of Lily and Marshall, or how deeply invested we are in the on-again/off-again goings on of Robin and Barney. Protagonists anchor the story, fuel the plot, give us a glimpse into their world, but more than anything, they just seem to get in the way. Sorry, Ted.

Friday, March 29, 2013

The Biggest Problem I Have With Today's Movies by Jonathan Russell


Oz the Great and Powerful....

There are a lot of things I like about this movie. Sadly, the movie amasses more of my hatred than it does my affection.

I will say that everything looked amazing. Hollywood producers are obviously very experienced with hiring talented special effects artists. Nevertheless, that should not be an excuse to shell out a horrible film. Oz falls into a category of movies fashioned by the digital effects phenomena that has seemingly been the main focus of mainstream movie makers. Alice in Wonderland, Transformers, G.I. Joe, Tron, etcetera; these movies are all visually stunning, thanks to the miracles of modern technology. But this newly gained power seems to be a crutch for most writers and directors. All of the aforementioned films have two things in common: they’re pictorially riveting, gorgeous examples of computer science in cinema. Also, they are all terrible movies; shoddy writing, rotten plots, and performances that make Will Shatner say “KHAAAAAAAAN”. Therefore, I am disappointed to relay to you that Oz the Great and Powerful, for me at least, falls into that category.

Let’s look at Tim Burton, for example. All of his movies are beautifully haunting. His newest tribute to Johnny Depp is a testimony to that. Dark Shadows was stunning when it comes to costume-work, set design, and production value. Even when it came to animating a teenage werewolf, the movie succeeded. The graphics were brilliant. Sadly, all of these elements were thrown together in order to dress-up an otherwise terrible script. That’s an awful way to make a movie. That’s like taking an extremely dry, nasty cake, and coating it with the most luscious frosting you’ve ever tasted. What an utter waste of frosting! You could be the most gorgeous person on earth, but if your spine is made of jelly, you won’t be able to stand up. Herein lies the problem with most of Burton’s pictures. Alice in Wonderland was an exquisite imagining of Lewis Carroll’s book. But the story was contrived and messy, whilst the characters were lacking.
But it’s not just Burton. Michael Bay’s films are even worse, and his special effects, even better. Zack Snyder, Stephen Sommers (Except for the Mummy series. The first two were awesome.), and Gore Verbinski can all be called guilty of this heinous crime. It seems that the better the special effects, the worse the movie.

Some call them the Unwatchables. But no matter what you call them, everyone knows their origins. The Unwatchables is a category of movie created in 1977, by a notorious movie-criminal by the name of Lucas... George Lucas. *dramatic music* This soulless, merciless puppeteer intentionally, and with malice of forethought, created the world’s most unjustifiably famous movie franchise. With only money on his mind, he threw a script together in under 10 minutes, and pitched it to any production company who would give him a minute of their time. His hatred for practical effects is a disgusting example of everything that is wrong with this country and this business.

Graciously, Hollywood has given us one large exception to the rule: Christopher Nolan. His phenomenal directing is thankfully parallel with the quality of his effects. Not only was Inception one of the best movies of its year, it was arguably THE most graphically stunning. And then we have the Batman films, which belong in a category entirely on their own. I cannot think of another series that has been so consistently good. Their only flaw is that there are only three of them!

So Tim Burton, stick to production design, and leave the directing to the proffesionals. As for you Michael Bay, the Wendy's by my house just put out a hiring sign!

For The Love Of Coffee! by Robyn Scott

This post is inspired by my addiction to coffee, and my love for Venn diagrams.
Enjoy this simple guide to having a happier morning with your cup-o'-jo. 



This picture was provided by Pinterest. 

There's Always That One Guy (Or Girl) by Robyn Scott


Has there ever been that television series, the one that you knew you could just watch over and over again? Well, I’ve been re-watching mine (for the third time) the past couple of weeks. Alias is the name, spies are the game. 

In this tale of CIA’s undercover agent, Sydney Bristow (played by the oh-so wonderful Jennifer Garner), her mission is to take down SD-6, a terrorist organization posing as a clandestine branch of the CIA. Like any good action-drama show, Bristow’s job on all her missions is to acquire the information needed, fool SD-6, and report back to the CIA. Her CIA handler, Michael Vaughn, is a dreamy late-twenties agent who is basically in charge of her.

As I’m watching this show, however, I’m noticing some things about agent Vaughn that I hadn’t noticed before - like how he is an awful actor. At first, when I started to realize this, I didn’t want to believe it. I first watched this show when I was around 13 years old, and Michael Vaughn was single-handedly the hunkiest TV character I had ever come across, so there are a lot of sentimental feelings tied in with him. But sure enough, after each episode I watch - this time around - I am steadily disappointed with his performance. What’s even more saddening is that he’s the only actor, that I’ve noticed thus far, who is substantially worse than all the rest. As I came to accept this however, I started to think of all the other great TV dramas that I have loved, yet who always had that one guy (or girl that just doesn’t quite live up to his/her fellow actors performances.

Characters such as:


Jack Shepherd - LOST






















This plane-crash-heartthrob is a surgeon in the widely favored ABC drama, LOST. Dr. Shepherd is constantly reviving people, providing for the camp, and coming to the rescue of Kate, his love interest on the island. But come on Jack, you got the job so that you could prove to us ridiculously good-looking people can be spinal surgeons, wilderness savvy, and kind hearted leaders, but you didn’t exactly do a convincing job.


this guy,

Prince Charming - Once Upon A Time

























Prince Charming indeed. In this ABC show about modern day fairytales, Prince Charming portrays the prince from the story of Snow White And The Seven Dwarves. However I think the roll of handsome do-gooder got to this guys head. It seems like he does minimal acting, and relies predominately on when he can make intense-eye-contact with Snow, to impress his viewers.


and another,

Karen Cartwright - SMASH

























This girl makes me especially sad. Karen is an aspiring broadway actress in NBC’s SMASH. Karen has an absolutely gorgeous face and impeccable voice, but she just doesn’t quite deliver when it comes to her non-ballad filled scenes.


 and lastly, 

Michael Vaughn - Alias




















Oh, Michael. As mentioned previously, Michael Vaughn plays CIA agent and spy-extraordinaire in ABC’s hit series, Alias. Vaughn is a clandestine agent, and is hopelessly in love with agent Bristow. His only job on the show is to love her and look cute, yet I’m finding that he still had a difficult time doing that. (I’m noticing a pattern with these ABC dramas..).


So I just thought I’d share my disappointments in TV dramas with everyone. I’m a little late with shows like LOST and Alias, but SMASH and Once Upon A Time are currently being aired, and I can’t help but hope those characters will step up. Maybe?

If you want to share other characters, from other shows, feel free to comment and let us know!

What are we even doing with our lives? by Robyn Scott

Welp, if this doesn't make you reconsider your life choices as a teenager, I don't know what will. Kudos to this young teen from Britain, who sold his company to Yahoo for millions.





Thursday, March 28, 2013

Alternate Endings to Disney Movies by Caleb Warren


Beauty and the Beast
I know Sweden’s not a proper country yet in Belle’s timeline, but she’s got some severe Stockholm Syndrome going on. In a less creepy version of the story, our heroine takes that mirror, waits ‘til the Beast turns around, and knocks him out cold with the magic looking-glass that’s probably worth a ride home to any passing truck driver (or whatever the contemporary equivalent would’ve been). Belle goes home and uses the money her dad is now raking in via that awesome wood-chopping machine and opens her own bookstore in town. Because the owner of the library has zero business sense, giving away books to any girl who comes in and abuses his rolling ladder, it’s easy to put him out of business. Beast never learns to love, and stays that way forever, but channels his sorrow into a promising def jam poetry career. Belle makes enough money to leave town, entrusting the store to whichever two blonde bimbettes Gaston doesn’t marry, and finally sees the world, maybe meeting a guy who doesn’t keep her prisoner in a creepy castle.


Tangled
Rapunzel realizes she’s living in an Aryan nation because literally every person in her kingdom is Caucasian, despite living in a non-era-specific fantasy world. Once she’s in charge she and Flynn put a stop to the oppression.


Cinderella
The prince comes to see if the shoe Cindy left behind fits her, which it doesn’t, hence it falling off as she ran away from the ball. He marries one of the stepsisters. Instead, Cinderella gets an apprenticeship with her fairy godmother and starts a viable career in magic. She eventually gets the other stepsister married off, and since she’s single she inherits the estate by default when Lady Tremaine dies. She then turns Jaq into a human and marries him (because he’s way cooler than the prince), and they live happily ever after.


Sleeping Beauty
Aurora wakes up to a guy she barely knows kissing her. She lawyers up and sues him for harassment, finds a husband who’s not a total creep, and lives a quiet life with her family. Her fairy "aunts" decide that their true calling is fashion design, and they start a privately-owned boutique in a nearby village that really takes off. Maleficent is not killed, but is reduced to doing her dragon bit at children's birthday parties.


Tarzan
Jane exposes Tarzan for the fraud he is because no one who’s never spoke anything beyond monkey grunts can learn English that quickly. He’s impressed that she saw through him, and they fall in love and get married anyway, moving back to England to become the couple from The Mummy movies. After Kerchak’s death, the other males fight for supremacy, but Kala takes advantage of their distraction and becomes the new leader. Terk decides she’s not going to ignore Tantor’s crippling germaphobia like everyone else in his life and gets him though it.


Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
Right before trying to kill Snow White, the queen realizes it would probably be simpler just to use that uglification spell on Snow, making queenie the fairest of them all. A now not-so-pleasant-looking Snow lives out her days with her seven best friends, and gets Grumpy a counselor to help with his depression. They break Dopey of his opium addiction, and Sneezy dies of the Black Lung. At the funeral, that random prince from nowhere shows up thinking he’ll wake up Snow, but instead finds Sneezy and moves on, confused.


The Little Mermaid
Ariel marries Eric, and Ursula realizes all her anger was the result of unresolved romantic feelings for King Triton. She marries the king, becoming Ariel’s stepmother. Ursula goes on to take some much-needed anger management courses, and accepts an offer to be the celebrity spokesperson for Weight Watchers. Flounder finally tells Sebastian that everyone knows his accent his fake.


Mulan
The same as the movie, but with more songs!

Life Hacks by Mikayla Halsell

       Oh its the little things that sometimes are the most annoying. Like when you lose the remote to the tv, or you somehow lose all of your bobby pins even when you had like 50 of them, or when chords get tangled up as soon as you set them down. The list goes on and on. Well, here are a few different things that you can do that will make your life a little bit more simple. The little things make the biggest differences.

Click on the link and have your eyes opened to a whole new kind of living: a life filled with life hacks.

http://pinterest.com/pin/37225134391468475/


Here are just a few to spark your interest...


Enjoy these genius life hacks!



Rustic Marbleized Easter Eggs by Emily Cote

          Easter is just a few days away, and most of you, as well as myself, probably haven't gotten to dying eggs yet. I know for me, I get sick of the same design ever year, either solid colored or half and half. Let's face it, it gets boring after a while. So before you do the same boring thing again this year, check out this new, marbleized, rustic feel, to dying eggs. It's simple and looks great as a center piece!


         http://www.marthastewart.com/921623/how-make-marbleized-easter-eggs

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

A Little Giggle Or Two For You by Grace Barbettini

A little giggle or two, for you.






Hope your day today was better than this kids'. [;












Weekly Poll #1

Well, well, well... The 60's is the winner of our first weekly poll. Thanks to everyone who voted! Here's a little gem from our winning decade.

90's and Early 2000's TV Shows and Why I Loved Them by Emily Cote

        If you were born in the 90's and had cable, you'll like this post. Bringing you back to the 90's and the early 2000's, and why we all loved these shows so much. Heartwarming, sincerely hilarious, sometimes educational and of course, you can't forget about the great style choices we all made back then. Here are a few of my favorites and why (in no particular order):

Even Stevens


        Ok, I know I just said "In no particular order" but, this show is probably ranked at #1 for me, because even back then, I loved physical comedy. Ranging from this, to The Three Stooges, physical comedy gets me every time. Me and my sisters religiously watched every episode that came out. Whether it's the incredibly unrealistic story lines, Louis and Twitty always trying to find the best way to become millionaires, trying to talk to their first "crushes" or their unhealthy love for bacon, you can't help but want to be their best friend. This show still makes me laugh every time I see it. Oh you can't forget about Beans! 

                          Pepper Ann
    
             
        "Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann, she's too cool for 7th grade!" Yeah, 7th grade...I remember hearing that song and thinking, "Wow, I wish I was a seventh grader just like Pepper Ann!" This show was another great one, colorful animation, fast moving story lines, and every episode was her getting into trouble, completely on accident and her just trying to be cool. But I know for me, and probably a lot of you, Pepper Ann, in our hearts, was as cool as it gets. This was my Saturday morning ritual!


Lizzie McGuire


          I'll probably get some flack from this one, because yes, it's hopelessly cheesy, and Hillary Duff never really improved on her acting skills after all those years but, I loved this show when I was younger. I always looked forward to new episodes because she was trying to figure things out, again in Jr. High, and she went through what every girl goes through, from friends to boys to little siblings. It's a tough world out there, although her world was always a little more dramatic than the average girls life, simply because she's a character on a Disney Channel show. But back in the day, Lizzie was, in my opinion, the most awesome person ever. And let's face it, we all have a Kate in our lives, trying to ruin our day with her perfectly crimped hair.

                                                                            Zoom

            Zoom always came on tv around 4 or 5 in the afternoon and I remember waiting for dinner to be ready and watching it. It was so great, because they had games, music, cooking (which was always my favorite part, of course.) and science. PBS did an awesome job of incorporating a little bit of education with fun! I have a lot of great memories watching this show with my sisters. I only lived a few hours away from Boston, where they filmed it, at the time and dreamed of the day I could try out for this show, unfortunately that never happened. But that's ok, I wasn't too scarred, at least I got to watch it every night and pretend I was the girl in the overalls.

       I hope you enjoyed this blast-from-the-past! Comment and let us know what some of your favorite tv shows, growing up were and why you loved them as much as I loved these shows!

Avatar: The Last Airbender: The Greatest Cartoon Series Ever by Mikayla Halsell



       So I don't know about you, but my favorite childhood show was Avatar: The Last Airbender. Ok, ok, I'll be completely honest. I still watch it on occasion. No shame. I absolutely love it. Not only does it have comedy, romance, and action, but Avatar has a legitimate plot. 

"Water, Earth, Air, Fire.
Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony.
Then everything changed when the fire nation attacked.
Only the avatar, master of all four elements, could stop them.
But when the world needed him most, he vanished.
A hundred years passed, and my brother and I discovered the new avatar,
an air bender named Aang.
And although his air bending skills are great, he still has a lot to learn before he is ready to save anyone.
But I believe Aang can save the world."

       Yes I had that opening line memorized. But anyways, basically the whole series is the journey that Aang, Katara, and Sokka make in order to be ready to take on the Fire nation. Aang, as an airbender, has to learn how to bend earth, water, and fire as well so that he will be strong enough to defeat his enemy.


       Aang, the main character of the show, is just a 12 year old boy who is supposed to overthrow the Fire Lord. Even through he has this whole destiny on his shoulders, he is still a playful, carefree child. He has to sacrifice his childhood for the sake of saving the world. Honestly though, I have no idea how he ended up hooking up with Katara. I mean really? The guy's got game I guess. Maybe it was "had to know him in person" kind of thing.


       Katara was the last waterbender of her tribe and is the most mature member of the group. She keeps her brother, Sokka, and Aang in check. She was a very consistent character and kept the group moving when they would get sidetracked often.



    Sokka is one of the most comedic characters in Avatar. Though he desires to be a warrior and a water bender, he can never quite be good enough until the end of the series. However, his zeal is unmatched and he's always willing to put his two cents in if there's a fight. Sokka never failed to make me laugh either by his unorthodox actions or just unintelligent comments. 



     Toph is an earthbender who is blind. Since she had super over-protective parents, she secretely competed in underground earthbending tournaments. She ended up teaching Aang how to earthbend. Toph is probably the most hardcore character ever. She was a little rebel and even though she was blind, she could still win in a fight against almost any guy. 



    Zuko is a firebender who is obsessed with trying to find Aang and kill him in to order to gain favor again in the eyes of his father, the Fire Lord. But later in the series, he sees the fault in his ways and joins up with Katara, Aang, Sokka, and Toph to destroy the Fire Nation. Zuko, by far, is my favorite character IN THE ENTIRE SHOW. He's most definitely my cartoon crush. No shame. Even though he has his dark side, I still had a HUGE crush on him. Maybe it's his voice, or his hair, or his scar...I don't really know. But I was crushing pretty hard on him.

       So yes, Avatar is my favorite cartoon series OF ALL TIME. I was always waiting for the next episode and could not wait to see how the series would be resolved. I actually had a party at my house for the final episode. And the finale was worth it. SO worth it. 

The Thought Process of Every Other Driver by Caleb Warren


Hello, I’m every other driver on the road. You may know me from slowing you down on your to work, zooming around you in a no pass zone because I’m so impatient, or taking part of your allotted parking space at the grocery store because I’ve got to be the most inconsiderate person alive.
The speed limit is 50 now, yes? That won’t do; much too fast for a lazy Tuesday morning like this one. No, 40 seems much more manageable for both of us. Keep in mind: I’m helping you too here. Who are you going to trust in this situation? The speed limit signs? You know who puts those up? The government. The same government who, as you may have learned reading the bumper stickers on my car, are either killing all the precious animals who don’t have the legal rights they deserve, bending to pressure from Hollywood to ban Christianity forever, or are secretly trying to advance the Muslim agenda on the hallowed ground of these United States. Whatever the case may be, they can’t be trusted, but I can. I’ve got it figured out. Just look at my bumper stickers. 40 is better for all of us involved.
Oh look, you passed me. Just when I thought we were getting along. But see, now the speed limit has dropped to 45, so I’ve decided that actually, I’d rather be done with this whole driving business, thanks. 60 mph! You don’t want to go 60? No problem; I’ll tailgate you. This six-inch space between our vehicles is quite comfortable, isn’t it? I notice you don’t have any bumper stickers. I’d happily share some of mine if you want. Oh, I’m turning now and you’re not. Oh well, I’ll see you later!


Oh hey! I see you there across the intersection! Remember me, from earlier? Yeah, I see that you have the right-of-way, and that’s cool and I totally respect it. But at the same time, we’re such good friends that you’re okay if I turn out in front of you first, right? I mean, what good are brakes if you never have to use them? Yikes, those sound screechy. You should get them looked at.
Oh, by the by, I’m gonna need to change lanes like RIGHT NOW! But don’t do anything rash, because I’ve got a ‘baby on board’ sign, so that means you can’t hit me even when I’m totally being irresponsible. You’d think having a baby on board would make me more cautious.
It’s not just the baby though, I’ve got a bunch of kids. You want to know how many? Of course you do. Just count the little fish outlines on the back of my car. They’re right there, underneath the “Who Rescued Who?” paw-print bumper sticker. What do you mean that’s grammatically incorrect? I don’t care; it’s shaped like a paw-print! Oh, and I need back in your lane like now.
Hey, could you let me know when this light turns green? I have to send this really important text to my daughter’s school. As you can tell from the decal on my back window, she’s on the baton-twirling team, and her name is a pretty common one, but with an “y” thrown in there somewhere. Also, meat is murder. Okay yes, I realize it’s green and I have to go forward before you can turn left here, but I’m almost done texting, I promise! Oh, and I totally forgot, but I’m also turning here right now! I’m sure your blinker counts for both us; everyone knows what great friends we are.
Wait, hold the phones, stop the presses, do we go to the same bank? Small world! Look there, it’s fate: we’re pulling in right now and there are only two parking spots left in the whole lot, right next to each other! That’s lucky, because two is exactly the number of parking spots I need. I paid a lot of money for this car, you know, I don’t want bad drivers (I’m sure you know the type) scratching it up. Good luck finding a place to park here, cause let me tell you, it is crowd-ed. Should I hold you a space in line? Oh you’re leaving? So soon? You haven’t even gone into the bank yet. I can’t tell what you’re shouting at me, but same to you, I’m sure!
Later, best friend! Thanks for the great time!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Bella Swan is Mentally Insane

I am part of the unfortunate many that have read all of the Twilight books. Every single one of them is a horrid example of literature at its very worst. I cannot think of something more disgustingly written, nor dare I try. Even though I am repulsed by the fact that I absorbed every last word of the treacherous series, I do not regret it. I am one of the lucky few whose hatred of the series is legitimately justified. No one can accuse me of judging a book by it’s cover, and that’s the way I like it.


Although many things about the book disturbed me, there was one thing in particular that struck me as frightening. Yes, Bella Swan is the anti-feminist. Her desire to be adored is pathetic, and the comatose state she was left in, upon her breakup with Edward, was completely appalling. However, that’s not what concerns me most about Bella.
Bella Swan seems to be mentally insane. Don’t believe me? Here are some quotes from the 6 books that I believe, prove my point quote nicely. (Get it? It’s a... pun... quite nicely... no? Okay.)

“I tried to be diplomatic. But mostly, I just lied a lot.”

“I don’t like to lie. So there better be a good reason why I’m doing it.”

Alright, this one is simple. She’s a pathological liar. He desire to be truthful and friendly is matched only by her lack of ability to do so. This is entirely unhealthy, on its own. Let alone, coupled with all the other things I’m about to show you.

“I couldn’t allow him to that this level of influence over me. It was pathetic. More than pathetic, it was unhealthy.”

We all know Bella has Histrionic Personality Disorder. Her inability to cope without her dear Edward is frightening. But here she is acknowledging how unhealthy it is! This borders on the sociopathic, my friends.

“Non-reality was black, and it didn’t hurt so much. Reality was red, and it felt like I was being sawed in half, hit by a bus, punched by a prize fighter, trampled by bulls, and submerged in acid, all at the same time. Reality was feeling my body twist and flip when I couldn’t possibly move because of the pain. Reality was knowing there was something so much more important than all this torture, and not being able to remember what it was.”

.... I don’t even know what to say about this one... She’s definitely loony.

“I do a good job of blocking painful, unnecessary things from my memory.”

It is a widely accepted fact across the psychological community that painful things ARE necessary. The repression of hurtful memories leads to unspeakably horrific side effects, including schizophrenia (which might explain the previous quote), bipolar tendencies, and thoughts of suicide. This is not a helpful attitude. It’s not a healthy attitude.

And now, the cream of the crop:

(Bella, upon hearing for the first time that Vampires kill and eat people...)
“(That doesn’t repulse me) It sounds reasonable.)”

“I should be afraid – I knew I could be, but I couldn’t feel the right kind of fear.”

This is so beyond insane and unwise. In fact, this might actually be proof that Bella is a sociopath. Her lack of emotion has come to a point where she isn’t perturbed by or scared of the fact that her friends eat human beings.
I have nothing else to say. Is further proof really necessary?