Thursday, March 21, 2013

I Admit It, I Enjoy Professional Wrestling by Robyn Scott

I don’t know if you’ve been keeping up with professional wrestling lately, but I have. Well, sort of keeping up. Recently I came across a video of The Rock and John Cena smack talking each other in the arena last year (right before the greatly anticipated Wrestle Mania wrestling match), and it was absolutely priceless. This World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) tradition is one of their most glorified pre-game rituals. The goal of these verbal offenses is to get into their opponents head, make them nervous, and hopefully throw-off their concentration. However to the untrained eye, it just looks like 2 overly-muscular, ego-obsessed men hurling undeveloped insults at one another.

After seeing this video, which I found hilarious, I became semi-obsessed with watching face to face confrontations between the two sportsmen (yes, they have multiple confrontations). I discovered that most of their threats involve talk of being the greatest, challenging the opponents manhood, and stat based smack talk. With lines such as, “Are you wearing makeup?” and, “The Rock built this house!” (did I mention The Rock talks about himself in the 3rd person? Yeah, he does.) I was hooked. 

As I watched video after video of these angry talking men, I started to imagine what an encounter between the two would be like outside of the arena. They both speak with great passion about their hatred for one another, so I mean, one has to wonder what an informal meeting would look like, say in the supermarket.

I can see it now...

The Rock enters the store in aviator sunglasses, a t-shirt with his own face on it, and kneepads at his ankles, just so people know he’s the real deal.
The Rock sees John Cena browsing through the muscle building drinks.
Cena looks up and notices The Rock, puts the drink down, and slowly starts to walk toward The Rock, all while maintaining direct eyes contact. 
Cena walks dramatically (probably a little too dramatically) in his cargo camo shorts and ball cap covering most of his eyes.
Cena reaches The Rock and stops with just a few inches away from The Rock’s face. 
The Rock whispers (not for long though, don’t worry).. 
“We meet again.”
“So it seems.” replies John Cena in an equally hushed tone.
The Rock takes a step back from Cena, and while holding an invisible microphone, The Rock begins to yell towards the Muscle Milk, canned peas, and unsuspecting supermarket customers.
“IT WOULD APPEAR SO.” Cena says, holding his own air-microphone.
They then divulge into yelling obscene threats and thus begins the best Smack Talk Match of their lives. Mom jokes are made, muscles are flexed, The Rock performs a short scene from The Tooth Fairy, all while keeping unbroken eye contact. Ending with the statement, "Come at me bro!" this face-off turns into a wrestling match right in the aisle. Things would be thrown, chests would be beaten, all while the employees take pics and live-tweet the event (did I mention The Rock is obsessed with Twitter?).

That’s one way I imagine the encounter. 

The other, maybe equally as crazy way is something like this...

The Rock enters the store, sees John Cena reading People Magazine, and walks towards him. 
John Cena notices The Rock, shines a huge smile at him as they embrace one another in a hug. 
Cena says, “Rockyyyy! How’ve you been? Did you catch last night’s episode of Smash?”
“Ah Johnnyyyy, well you texted me like 8 times reminding me! Duh I did!” The Rock replies with a grin. 
The Rock and John Cena begin discussing character analysis’ and plot twists, all while sharing the same grocery basket, because they really love each other that much.

As you can tell, I’ve put some thought into their meeting outside the ring. I have faith that one day I will read about this showdown, and I can only hope (not realistically, though) it will be similar to one of these scenarios. 

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